Oh!

.

<3,
Dick Balls.

Chester Drawers.

.
Chester Drawers?

He's this guy, see? He wears a really snazzy suit with a nice jacket, slacks and a bow-tie, and the suit has a constantly, slowly shifting color and pattern; it is the first clue to his iniquity. His face has sort of an ambiguous quality to it, and when he is not present his face cannot be recalled from memory with any amount of effort.

When you encounter Chester he greets you, and when you respond he can hear the lust in your voice. He presents you with the most distinguished opportunity to own either a disembodied upper torso (chest...) or a disembodied pelvic region (... or drawers) of any variety of your choosing to do with whatever you please; the price of the transaction is your immortal soul. Occasionally if Chester is feeling particularly business-like he will distribute vouchers for 30-day trial periods of the testing of all of the functions of his products.

What a guy.

Be careful,
Reedactor (fantastic homonym bonus/portmanteaunus; transcendental).